took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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