I just pynch a tree in the face
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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