Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
