I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
