please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
