White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
