omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize