the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
