the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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