Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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