apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize