It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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