Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
