Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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