So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
