Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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