i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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