I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
