Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
