Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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