Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
