you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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