u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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