Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
