Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
