You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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