Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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