Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
