South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
