we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
