Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize