her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have aggressive nipples.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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