Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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