that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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