I just cut my nipple shaving
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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