i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
