now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
