Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
