ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
