We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
