Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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