Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
