I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
