after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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