Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
