Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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