So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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