Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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