from now on my penis is your penis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i came on her dog
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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