The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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