If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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