we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
