That's when you crack a 10am beer
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
