You're my little dorito
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
