I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
