I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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