Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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