And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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