Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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