White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
