Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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