I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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