Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
