mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize