I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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