I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
