u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
