No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
