Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
