When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
