i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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