if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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