Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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