Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
