the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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