What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
