have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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