Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
