I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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